


Boku no Iwa-chan

by dimensional_ghost



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Disney References, Fluff, M/M, iwa-chan is too pure for this world, just a small crack fic i found, makki and mattsun are the meme squad and you can't change my mind, so i uploaded it just because i can
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22767202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimensional_ghost/pseuds/dimensional_ghost
Summary: makki and mattsun decide to convert their poor friend oikawa to the dark side and make him watch boku no pico. chaos ensues.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	Boku no Iwa-chan

“He’s staring at Hajime’s magnificent arms again.”

Hanamaki turns his head after Matsukawa elbows him on the arm.

“Oh yes, I see. Tooru’s fallen hard for our pure Iwa-chan, hasn’t he.”

“We must do something about it, dear Makki. They can’t go on like this.”

They both try not to laugh at the scene. 

Iwaizumi is in a corner of the corridor just outside of the classroom talking to a girl (most certainly a fan), gently (or as gentle as Iwaizumi Hajime can be) handing her a pink letter and shaking his head.  
Meanwhile, Oikawa is staring at the two with only his head poking out of their classroom, like a high school girl stalking her crush.  
And of course, Hanamaki and Matsukawa are observing the whole scene. It’s hilarious.

“You know what we must do, my dear Issei?”

The other boy hums and brings a hand to his chin.  
“We must convert our friend Tooru to the dark side. Maybe that way, he’ll finally decide to make a move.”

The dark-haired boy grins lazily.

“Boku No Pico?”

Hanamaki matches his grin with one of his own.

“Boku No Pico.”

\---

“Makki? Mattsun? What’s going on?”

Hanamaki is looking at Oikawa, who’s helplessly sitting on Matsukawa’s bed, when said boy locks the door and hides the key in one of his pockets.

“Oh sweet, sweet Tooru. Look at yourself, so innocent and naive.”

Oikawa’s confused face is priceless, but the two somehow manage to keep a straight face.

“We know about Hajime. You’re not really known to be one to keep secrets, after all.”

The tall boy squirms, visibly paling. He crosses his arms.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Matsukawa sits down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He closes his eyes and breathes with a solemn expression on his face.

“Worry not, lover-boy, for your dear friends here will always have your back.”

Meanwhile, Hanamaki brings out his boyfriend’s laptop and opens a certain folder. He places it on Oikawa’s knees ignoring the weird look on his face.

“This will enlighten you. Come to the dark side, o young one.”

“Is this an anime?”

Matsukawa winks. “Yup.”

Then, he and his partner in crime unlock the door, only for them to get out and lock it again right after, leaving a clueless Oikawa to watch Boku No Pico all by himself.

Hanamaki giggles, “I can’t believe you have the all the episodes saved on your computer.”

Matsukawa snakes his arms around the pink-haired boy’s waist and leaves lazy kisses on his neck. “Mm. It’s for when you’re not around. It gets so lonely, you know.”

The other snorts. “Oh my god, Issei.”

“Love you too, Hiro.”

\---

After an hour or so, the two stop making out on the couch and go up the stairs to check on their poor friend.  
They softly unlock the door and find him staring at the computer screen in silence.

“You guys just traumatized me.”

Hanamaki laughs at his blank face, and the fact that his boyfriend is trying not to laugh too only makes him laugh harder.  
Matsukawa pats Oikawa’s head.

“You’re welcome. I hope you make good use of what we’ve shown you.”

Oikawa lets out a shriek and starts flailing his arms around, “What- I- Iwa- I can’t do that with Iwa-chan, he’ll think I’m crazy!”

Hanamaki chips in, “On the contrary, I think he’ll love it. Maybe he’ll finally admit his feelings for you.”

He gulps. “What do you mean, his feelings for me? Do you- Do you think he, uh, likes me? As in…like-like?”

Mattsun (who still has his hand on Oikawa’s soft hair) clicks his tongue, “Why do you think he always turns his fans down?”

“But- That’s just because they’re not the one for him!”

Makki shakes his head.

“Tooru, you really are clueless.”

“Am not!”

“You are.”

He pouts. “Fine. So, what am I supposed to do now? Quote Boku No Pico and hope he’ll notice?

“Exactly. You see,” Matsukawa speaks with a serious voice, but Hanamaki recognizes it as the tone he always uses when they’re pulling pranks (which is often), “He actually watched it too, you know. He told us that he’ll go out with someone only if they know anime. Especially this one.”

Oikawa narrows his eyes, “I don’t believe you, Mattsun. Is this another prank? I swear, if it is, I’ll-“

“It’s up to you whether to believe me or not, my dear Tooru. I’m just a friend trying to help out another friend.” He says, picking Oikawa up and leading him to the front door.

“Now go, my disciple. I know you’ll choose the right thing to do.”

“Mattsun, wait, I-“

And with that, he was kicked out.

Hanamaki, who’s still trying to recover from his laughing fit, hugs Matsukawa.

“What terrible friends we are. I think he really believes you.”

The other runs a hand through his hair, chuckling.

“I know he does. Trust me, it’ll all be worth it in the end.”

“Poor Hajime.”

“Indeed. I wouldn’t want to be in his place if Tooru started shouting “Koi no shiyou yo” out of nowhere.”

“He-“ Hanamaki imagines the scene and laughs- “He won’t really do that, will he?”

“We’ll have to wait ‘till tomorrow and see for ourselves.”

\---

“He really just did that.”

“He did.”

The two watch as Oikawa screams the cursed anime’s opening lyrics to a confused Iwaizumi first thing in the morning. They’re all walking to school, and it’s amusing to say the least.  
Iwaizumi, who hasn’t had his usual morning coffee yet (which he absolutely needs in order to function like a normal human being) is mumbling obscenities under his breath while Oikawa walks next to him, singing almost as if he knows the lyrics by heart.

He’s also hitting every note perfectly, somehow.

“What have we done, Issei.”

“The right thing. They’ll thank us someday, Hiro.”

“You’re right.”

“I feel like a proud parent who’s watching his children grow up.”

“They’re our children.”

“And we love them, don’t we?”

Hanamaki wipes a non-existent tear from his eyes, “We do.”

They both lose it when lunch comes around and Iwaizumi offers Oikawa a leftover sandwich and Oikawa blushes.

“No way! Tooru, you actually went home and watched the second season?!” Hanamaki asks wiping a (this time real) tear from his eyes. Matsukawa’s still laughing, holding his stomach.

“Was I supposed not to?!” Oikawa shrieks staring at the two pieces of bread with ham that Iwaizumi must’ve lovingly put together the night before while obviously thinking about his dear friend Tooru, who always forgets to bring his own lunch.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but if you don’t want it, I’ll just eat it myself.”

“Ah- No, Iwa-chan! I’ll eat it!”, the tall boy pouts, stealing the sandwich from Iwaizumi’s hands.  
He looks away before he can make eye contact with the confused boy in front of him.

“We must do something about this, Issei. Iwa-chan will send our poor Tooru to an asylum before he gets a chance to confess.” Hanamaki tells his boyfriend after they’ve recovered from their laughing fit.

“You’re right. Believe it or not, I’m actually starting to feel sorry for him.”

“And what do you suggest we do, my one and only love?”

“Well,” Matsukawa grins, “I might have another idea. We’ll get Iwaizumi Hajime himself to admit his feelings first. It’s a hard task, but just as the legend says, we let love lead the way.”

“Did you just quote Tangled?”

“Why yes, babe, I just did.”

“I think I just fell more in love with you.”

\---

And that’s how 17 years old Iwaizumi Hajime found himself cornered on the way home after school by his two friends one sunny afternoon, with Oikawa nowhere in sight – _he must still be practicing in the gym._

“What.”

“My dear Iwa-chan,” Matsukawa starts, placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder, “what do you think about our sweet friend, Oikawa Tooru?”

“Huh?” the confusion is visible on the boy’s face, but it takes him a few seconds to process the question. “He’s annoying. And childish. I don’t like his fake smiles, they piss me off. But he’s also ambitious. Watching him makes me want to work hard, too.”

“Wow, so blunt! I never expected such a detailed answer!” Hanamaki gasps and looks at Matsukawa with a face that says _yes, our idea will definitely work._

“What did you want then?”

“You see…Apparently, a little birdie told us that _someone_ in our class has feelings for the annoying, childish, ambitious Tooru!” Hanamaki crosses his arms and smirks when he sees Iwaizumi gulp.

“Who told you that?”

“Oh, you know...You’re kinda not that subtle, my man. We see how you stare at him when you think nobody’s looking. Right, Mattsun?”

Matsukawa nods, “Right, right. So, your two beloved friends here will lend a hand and help you two hopeless romantics get together!”

Iwaizumi blinks once. Twice.

_“HUH?!”_

\---

It happens one day after school, when they’re all walking home after an exhausting day at practice.

Oikawa is ranting about yet another fan who he had to turn down because _she had blonde hair, but Iwa-chan, you know that I prefer dark hair! I had to accept her chocolate though. I didn’t want to seem too rude, y’know._  
Iwaizumi is seemingly lost in thoughts but Oikawa doesn’t care and instead chooses to fill the silence by doing all of the talking himself.  
Hanamaki and Matsukawa are a few steps behind, betting if their friend is going to do as they told him or not.

“I bet ten bucks he’s going to say it.”

“Oh, it’s on.”

After a few minutes the conversation had switched to the cafeteria’s milk bread for some reason and Iwaizumi stops in his tracks, leaving a confused Oikawa and two boys who couldn’t fail at holding their laughter more.

He swallows, turning to his childhood friend (read: crush) who now had his full attention.

“Well, here goes nothing.” he says, crossing his arms. “Would you be the Pico to my Tamotsu?”

Oikawa mentally combusts.

“OH MY GOD ISSEI-”

“OUR BOY DID IT, HE REALLY-”

“HUH?! YOU TWO WERE THE ONES THAT SAID HE’LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE-”

“OH GOD I CAN’T BREATHE-”

“WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP FOR A _SECOND-”_

“Iwa-chan...”

All three boys turn at the sound of Oikawa’s voice, and Makki and Mattsun start laughing even more at the sight of his beet red face.

Iwaizumi tries to look at him, but fails and chooses to look down at his shoes instead.

“Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to them, I-”

“Iwa-chan...does that mean you like me?”

The boy blinks.

“Uh...yeah.”

“Like as in...like-like?”

“Huh? I already said yes, like as in like-like. I like you...Tooru.”

Oikawa gasps softly but then pulls him in for a hug and nuzzles his head on the other’s chest. “Iwa-chan likes me! I’m so happy! I like you too!”  
Iwaizumi can’t resist the blush that explodes on his cheeks and his ears at the sudden contact, but returns the hug anyway.

“Aw, look at the two lovebirds. We really are great parents, right Hiro?”

“Right, Issei. I could cry right now.”

“Would you two shut up!”


End file.
